"Love is a choice.
Tomahawks, or hatchets, were normally buried when feuding native American tribes suffered very serious or numerous casualties in their wars against each other. The chiefs of the opposing tribes would meet and bury their axes under an underground river. The washing away or sinking of the axes symbolized the vanishing of any disputes that had formerly engendered war between the two tribes. It was a sign of peace.
Sometimes, the axes were just buried under a tree or in a notable field. Always, and I repeat, always, the reason for which these Indian tribes did this was to assuage present losses or to prevent unnecessary future losses.
Hatchets were buried to avoid the loss sustained through conflict, and not to achieve any gain through peaceful productivity.
This is why more often than not, the erstwhile feuding tribes would in dig up the buried hatchets and wage war against themselves again. They would 'raise up' the tomahawk again because they considered the losses that would or could be conceded to be worth their while. Whatever the case maybe, it always took another major tragedy or significant losses, for the two tribes to bury their hatchets, again.
We are no different from the 16th or early 20th century native American Indian tribes. It always takes a great tragedy or loss for us to realize that most of what we're arguing about, or who we are at loggerheads with, and the forgiveness we're refusing to ask or give, will eventually destroy us. Until the losses become unbearable for us, most of us never bury the hatchet once raised.
As I mentioned earlier, the native American Indians buried their hatchets in order to avoid loss through war, and not to achieve any gain through peaceful productivity. The same holds true for us. We are ever so quick to put all our differences aside with the people we have rejected or opposed when we feel: uncomfortable, insecure, apprehensive or threatened by their presence or power.
We want peace so that we will: live and not die, be at peace and not suffer, receive mercy instead of condemnation. We choose to bury the hatchet because our human survival instincts feel threatened by the great loss we have suffered, and then, it forces us to seek for penance, shelter, and relief wherever it can be found; even if those things are with our 'enemies'.
Burying the hatchet does not give life, rather it prevents death. It does not bring change, instead, it only stalls crises. This is the reason why peace treaties, truces and cordial agreements between nations, companies and individuals never last longer than their own whims and caprices.
It is a fallacy to believe or think that by signing a peace treaty or agreeing to a cease-fire, the differences of the two feuding parties have been or will be settled!
Yes, burying the hatchet between the parties paves the way for better relations, and possibly, cooperative ventures between them. However, if this is done in order to prevent loss, death, destruction, crisis, lack of comfort, apprehension and tension then it will not last! If warring states, families, companies, or individuals will truly bury their hatchets, it must be because of a motive and a reason that far outweighs any personal agenda, profit or interest. It must be because of love.
At this juncture, I shall attempt to define love as best as I possibly can:
Love is a choice.
Thus, it is the inspiration to choose someone or something,
with the unyielding determination to keep the 'choice';
in order to cultivate and care for that 'choice',
never to use the choice you have made for any other purpose
other than to choose your choice each day.
With this definition of love in mind, we begin to understand that love has very little to do with emotions and passions; but it has everything to do with purpose and motives.
To successfully bury a hatchet, at least one of the feuding parties must decide that the reason why he is doing this is because he or she is intentionally choosing peace with the enemy, through an unyielding determination to keep this peace; in order to bring out the best from his or her decision, never to take advantage of this peace.
This, is tough for most people, because of the tangible prospect of rejection. The fear of being hurt again, by making an already broken heart vulnerable to the one (or similar one) who broke it in the first place is what breeds distrust and lack of forgiveness in the broken-hearted. And so it should!
For example; you would ever entrust your daughter with a friend who once slept with your spouse? Let's say that after throwing your spouse out of the house and severing all ties with your friend, the tragedy of losing you causes your wife and your friend to seek the burying of this adulterous hatchet. They come to you for a second chance to make things right; you decide not to give them a second chance, because of your present hurt and your fear of being hurt again. Once bitten...etc.
However, if you intentionally choose to make peace with your spouse, or your friend, or both, in order to help yourself recover from the hurt, then you are burying the hatchet for the right reason - love. Not just any kind of love, but a true love of self.
By doing this, you're taking back your personal power. Their actions no longer have a hold over your life. Should your wife or friend ever betray your love again, it would be on their consciences, not yours. Contrary to your fears, you would rather be TRULY free and vindicated of any hurt, pain, guilt and heartbreak that their actions might have brought.
Love buries all things; especially, hatchets.
Sit with me by this fire.